Half of My Heart in New Zealand

My first—and, so far, only—trip overseas was to the beautiful country of New Zealand. A dear friend sponsored the journey, and we travelled around the North Island in the back of a Subaru.

From the moment I arrived, I felt something I had never experienced anywhere else on Earth: a strange and profound sense of belonging.

For me, the veil felt very thin in New Zealand. Everywhere we travelled seemed to hold a deeper, almost spiritual significance. Each place carried its own energy and meaning, but one place in particular stayed with me: Russell.

While visiting Russell, I met artists and had experiences that felt almost out of this world—experiences I will carry within me forever.

One of the most significant was a conversation with an Australian/New Zealand artist.

I looked at the beautiful heart she was wearing around her neck and said:

“I love the stunning heart you’re wearing. Hearts are my thing. It looks priceless.”

She then looked at me and said something that completely took me by surprise:

“You’re an artist as well as a lover of hearts” I became embarrassed and replied, “Well, I’m just starting to paint, but it’s the essence of me.

Since being here, I guess I can say I’m an artist, as it’s coming alive within me.” She began asking me questions—not just about where I came from, but questions that seemed to reach much deeper into my soul.

I started to cry, and suddenly everything I had experienced in New Zealand came pouring out.

I told her that the artist within me had come alive there. More than that, I felt at home for the first time in my life. I didn't know how I could possibly leave New Zealand. It felt as though half of my heart would remain there.

But my children and my husband were in Australia.

My other half of my heart was there.

She spoke to me about mentoring, lessons, and looking at my artwork—things no one had ever offered me before. For a moment, my heart felt torn in two. I could have given up all of my earthly possessions to stay in New Zealand for a few years and explore this part of myself. It was ironically after this I did lose mist of my earthly possessions and painting was my outlet to process this …

But I could never give up my family & they didn’t want to relocate.

Then she gently touched my hand. There was an exchange of love and understanding in that moment that I will never forget.

And then she said:

“Guess what? The heart around my neck is made of jade. It was handmade for me. Half of it is Australian jade, and half is New Zealand jade. I’m Australian, and now I’m a New Zealander too. So half of my heart is here and half of my heart is there—just like you.”

Something was awakened in me in New Zealand.

I will forever be grateful for that experience, for the people I met, and for the way it opened something within me that had been waiting to emerge.

I dream of returning to my other home one day.

Many of the elements and emotions that appear in my paintings were born in my heart during that journey. New Zealand became woven into my artistic spirit, and a part of it remains with me in everything I create.

The painting above now sits in my garden. Each morning and evening, the sun shines upon it, and I look at it from my window.

And every time I do, I am reminded of that journey, that conversation, that beautiful jade heart—and the moment I was told that perhaps I wasn't simply someone who painted.

Perhaps I was an artist.

Moreton Bay, Queensland, Australia

Contact: art@christineruthcollective.com.au